Words of comfort

In life we as people tend to say things to comfort those around us. We are quick to offer help and support in hopes that no one takes us up on the offer. We have lives of our own, but yet offer to be there when/if someone needs us. How could one really be there, if they don’t truly plan to be there? Ig one has a lot going on in there lives? If one only says those words to appear to care…

People have priorities within their lives, and if you call needed help that will cause a shift. That person then has to shift things around if they “really” plan to help you. If not you will then be waiting and feel some type of way about that person.

You’ll never know how a person truly feels when you offer them help/support in their time of need and you fail to follow through. No one is perfect, but as a person we have to be able to back up those words of comfort.

I’ve had my fair share of people saying they will be there if I needed them, but when I called no one was around or available. So that in turn made me not ask for help no matter how much I needed it. Yes it hurt because I had faith in those people. Now at the same time I’ve offered help to others, and life happened for me as to where I couldn’t be there. I know the pain and hurt saying you’ll be there and not hurts. So I try my hardest to offer those words of comfort and to follow through, but if I can’t I still reach out.

Words of comfort are just that words to comfort a person when they are down and out. We as people only know what a person tells us but we don’t know how they feel mentally. So all I ask is for us as people to use our words of comfort only if we can follow through.

Am I Enough???

As women we ask ourselves this question day in and day out. Hell at times we don’t know. Our mate might say or do little things that will cause us to question am I enough. We live in a society where women are judged off their looks, body shape, hair, type of job , clothes they wear, the man they are with , how their kid’s look act and dress, the list goes on and on.

We as woman value child bearing, yes the ability to bring another life into this world. Now don’t get it twisted, not every woman wants a child. It’s just the thought that I can have a child. Now take a step back and think about the women who can’t bear children for whatever reason. That question Am I Enough? Lives in her head, because she will always wonder if the man she is with wants a child.

I am a mother of three beautiful daughters, but I want another child. I want to share that bond with my husband, but I can’t so of course I ask myself Am I Enough? We as women pride ourselves on the way we raise our children and that bond we share. I’ve been blessed to have two children since my rape, but trust me it did a number on my body. I went so many years in pain with the thought of, if I hold out I’ll be able to have another child. The pain over took my body so I had surgery #1 in 2012. I went into major depression, because I know longer had a uterus, so I felt less of a woman. You would think the pain would poof disappear, welp it didn’t.

I went a few more years since 2012 in pain, and gave up the hope of every having another child. In 2018 I had surgery #2 and that didn’t make me feel any better mentally. Now I’m with out a uterus, Fallopian tubes and one ovary. My husband has been so great with dealing with the mood swings. lol

The thought of me not being able to bear his child still sits in the back of my mind. Am I enough? As women we stress and overthink things that only we imagine, you may not know that we have those thoughts, because we know our flaws and how they impact our day to day. Since my second surgery it has been on my heart to adopt a child and I have now put forward the steps to learning more about the adoption process. I know there is a child out there that needs a loving home.

To all my ladies out there, we have our flaws and we know we can’t fix them all. Never lose hope or heart YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Who Do You Know??

If you asked 20 people how they got there job, half if not most will say I know such and such. In today’s society in order to get ahead you seem to have to know the “right” people. It’s sad and unfair but it’s the harsh truth.

Outside of about 3 jobs I’ve ever had in my lifetime I got them on my own, other than that I got them based off of me knowing someone. I’m a firm believer that when you network you increase your net-worth. I teach that lesson to my kids, but the key to the lesson is this: The who you may know gets you through the door, but what you know keeps you there.

When I meet people I feed them knowledge, I want them to know and understand, in a small town it’s not always what you know but rather who you know. One phone could change a person’s who life, so I always tell people be mindful of how you treat a person because you’ll never know when your paths may cross again.

Funny how life has a way of reminding us of just that. I’ve met a lot of people, and one way or another our paths cross. Between me working for the local school district, involved at my children’s schools, the number of organizations I’m involved in I’m destine to cross paths with a few people but when I do I just smile. Karma has a way to reversing roles.

When you meet a person remember the vibe and energy you give off will be the first think that person remembers mentally. Leave them with something to remember you by.

Suffering in Slience, While Walking in the Dark. By: Lateka Starnes-Council

For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.

“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”

“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.

They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?

Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.

Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.

When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”

Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.

It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”

Unknown Side Chick

Honey! I tell ya when being the side chick, other woman, fake cousin or whatever you want to call it was a secret today it seems to be the thing to be. *shrugs*

Now ladies be truthful with yourself, everyone has been a side chick a time or two. Now the difference is weather you knew it or not. Well sit back and let me tell you a story..

There was this girl who met a young man, they began to date and it was all so good. Things were going good, the young man tells the girl about him having a child on the way, the girl is like congrats and all that good shit. She then asks him so are you married or still dealing with your child’s mother? The young man says I’m divorced, the girl is like prove it. He shows her some paperwork and signed by the judge with dates and all that nice stuff. Boy and girl work together, they go to work together, dress alike and all that sweet shit.

Fast forward several months, they live together, girl goes home with boy and meets his family, goes to church with boy’s mom and grandmother. All the while the family knows boy’s big secret. Girl gets pregnant and boy and his family is excited. They have their child, child goes to visit boy and girls family. She is in love or what she think is love. Boy ask girl to marry him, girl is excited and says yes. Now mind you it’s been a year and some change. Girl and boy get pregnant again… Girl is over the whole getting fat thing. Buckle up because here is where shit goes left.

Boy is deployed for 6 months while girl is off her ship due to her being with child. Girl is invited to NC to by boy’s sister to her child’s party. Girl, her sister, and her oldest child goes to the party. While sitting there girl hears some cursing going on and a dark skin chick comes in the house and stands over girls and says, ” SO tell me how does it feel to fuck a married man?” Girl looks up and I said, ” I don’t know ask your husband because I’m still fucking him!” We began to fight in the house in front of his mom, sister, kids, and everybody. His mom yells out, “Teka you don’t need to be fighting while you’re pregnant!” His wife stops and looks at me and
I said yeah by your motha fuckin husband bitch.

I grabbed my oldest and me and my sister left. Can you imagine the hurt and pain I felt. I’m in my early 20’s about to have my second child, with a man who lied the entire time we were together. To make matters worst your family knew you were still married but yet happy you proposed to me. Honey, when I say it took me some years to allow them to see my older two daughters after that. I had to learn to forgive and I also learned that side bitches meet the family to.

See as women we are quick to jump on the other bitch when our real beef is with that man. Not every woman knows your man is a spoken for man. Trust me when a woman knows he has someone her tone is way different, she feels as if she has something over you. When all she gets is hard dick and bubble gum. Since that has happened to me I tell dudes straight up, let me know the truth so I can decide if I wish to play second don’t decide for me. I don’t play second and I don’t share shit. So ladies if your man is or has cheated on you don’t take it out on the other woman beat his ass cuz he did it. Now if the other woman gets out of pocket then by all means beat her ass straight off of GP (general purpose) Don’t be a goofy all your life and not all men are the same, granted you have been dogged before but don’t hold the next one to the fire. Now I’m not saying make it easy for him, but don’t punish him for something that was before his time. I’m speaking from the heart and from my own personal growth. Be blessed

Vibes & Energy

We meet people everyday, how do you form a bond with a person? I go off the vibe I get from a person,people give off vibes and energy and may not even know it.

When I was in my early 20’s I didn’t pay those things any attention and things happened back to back. I mean shit on top of shit, I was like I gotta have the worst luck ever. I met a lady or should I say a lady met me. I would be in Walmart and we would always cross paths, and she would say things in passing. He isn’t the one for you, people have two faces and so forth it would scare me to the point where I would get my palm read.

I’m very superstitious and yes I believe in dark magic. I burn sage throughout my house, I lay salt across my front door, I have coffee grinds in a sock in my dresser drawer, I have dream catchers throughout my house, yes I believe. Anyway after getting my palm read I went home and I just sat and thought about what was told to me. Then I made a few small changes within my life. I got my 1st divorce and cut a few people out of my life. Slowly things began to change, you know they say you attract what energy you give off, and at the time I was giving off negative energy and that’s just what was brought into my life.

As time went on, I met a young lady that could read cards. So of course I got my cards read. The two things she said to me that stood out was, the man you are with isn’t your knight and the move you plan to make isn’t the best one. Boy oh boy was she right. I feel all things are in the eyes and minds of the believer, but be mindful of the vibes and energy you give off. If you should ever come in contact with me, you will see I give off nothing but good vibes and energy despite me not smiling all the time.

People will enter your life for a number of reasons at the oddest of times, but look back on those moments and find the lesson that was taught to you. I have a friend that I met for the very first time in 2007, and I mean it was odd. We later became Facebook friends. If you saw the way we act around each other you would think we’ve grown up together. We shared each others highs and lows by phone and messages. We saw each other again face to face spring break of 2017 and the bond has gotten even closer. We connected on a spiritual level, and for that she is and will always be my spiritual sistah. Life will try to take you down, but it’s up to you and those closest to you to keep you grounded. Be blessed

Transparency part 3: Endometriosis

Baby when you talk about pain talk about endometriosis. Endometriosis is
is when the tissue that makes up the uterine lining (the lining of the womb) is present on other organs inside your body. Endometriosis is usually found in the lower abdomen, or pelvis, but can appear anywhere in the body. Women with endometriosis often have lower abdominal pain, pain with periods, or pain with sexual intercourse, and may report having a hard time getting pregnant.

It will show it’s ugly face in each woman differently but it all comes down to pain. After giving birth to my second daughter things took a turn. It went from me cramping on my cycle, to me not being able to walk or move day 1 of my cycle. I began to have to take pain pills because the pain was that bad, i would have to be put out of work for at least 3 days due to the pain. I missed orders to change commands because I was limited duty.

I would go back and forth to the doctor for the pain, all they kept doing was pushing pain pills on to me the next stronger than the last. I got to a point where I was like enough is enough. Painful during my cycle, I walked around in pain. It was painful to have sex and even after. I would rather give natural birth again rather than have sex. so you know it was very painful. I asked my doctor all my options because I’ve done them all. I was on the pill, had an IUD, on the patch, on Depo, placed into medical-menopause nothing helped. I told them if I had a hysterectomy then problem solved. It took them some time to agree to it, mentally I’ve given up all hop on having a third child. I go in for all the lab work and all that good stuff. My nurse comes in the room and tells me she has good news and bad news for me, so I’m confused and I say what’s the bad news. She says we can’t move forward with your surgery, I’m looking confused and say so what’s the good news. All excited she says you’re pregnant I just stare. I’m happy but mentally I’ve given up so I’m in a daze of shock.

I have my third child and getting my tubes cut and burned my good friend endometriosis reminds me they are still there. Now the pain is on overload and they have me back on the patch. I check-in to my new command and 2 weeks later we are going underway for 3 moths. UGH! While on the deployment I begin to have clots, so I was sick for almost half the time I was out. It took until 2012 to say I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I have my 1st surgery which was a supracervical hysterectomy fancy word for removal of the uterus, I was left with a cervical stump. I also found out that no only did I have endometriosis I also had adnomiosis, pain on-top of pain. After my surgery I fell into a deep depression, I sent my kids to stay with my parents, I didn’t get out of bed, I didn’t shower, I didn’t eat, I wouldn’t answer the phone or reply to any messages. I felt less of a woman and I felt what man would want a woman who couldn’t give him a child. My mom and younger sister would come to my house and MAKE me get up and all that good stuff. My mom would have me walk around Walmart and Piggly Wiggly daily, just to get me up and out. At the time I hated that, but looking back I needed that.

Let’s fast forward, I bet you’re thing things began to look up for me since I had my uterus removed. Welp! guess again… I was still having pain during sex and it was at it’s all time high, pain when I got a pa smear. My VA doctor would take me back down the path of pain pills, creams, lotions, and different birth control before I had my 2nd surgery. March of 2018 I had a Salpingo-Oophorectomy, fancy way of saying removal of both fallopian tubes and right ovary. I had scared tissue from 2004, when I got my tubes cut and burned and the endometriosis had spread. After this surgery I couldn’t allow myself to fall into a depressive state I had to keep busy, and it was the same time I was writing my uncles obituary. Each day is different I am in the process of my 3rd and final surgery, due to my left ovary causing me pain and discomfort. I understand the fact that my doctors don’t want me to go into menopause at 39, but the way this pain is set-up I’ll take hot flashes any day. My body and natural smell has changed since my surgery in March. I know many women who suffer of either endometriosis, adnomiosis, or any other female issues. There is sunshine after the pain so ladies keep pushing and see it through. Blessings upon you and peace be with you.