Words of comfort

In life we as people tend to say things to comfort those around us. We are quick to offer help and support in hopes that no one takes us up on the offer. We have lives of our own, but yet offer to be there when/if someone needs us. How could one really be there, if they don’t truly plan to be there? Ig one has a lot going on in there lives? If one only says those words to appear to care…

People have priorities within their lives, and if you call needed help that will cause a shift. That person then has to shift things around if they “really” plan to help you. If not you will then be waiting and feel some type of way about that person.

You’ll never know how a person truly feels when you offer them help/support in their time of need and you fail to follow through. No one is perfect, but as a person we have to be able to back up those words of comfort.

I’ve had my fair share of people saying they will be there if I needed them, but when I called no one was around or available. So that in turn made me not ask for help no matter how much I needed it. Yes it hurt because I had faith in those people. Now at the same time I’ve offered help to others, and life happened for me as to where I couldn’t be there. I know the pain and hurt saying you’ll be there and not hurts. So I try my hardest to offer those words of comfort and to follow through, but if I can’t I still reach out.

Words of comfort are just that words to comfort a person when they are down and out. We as people only know what a person tells us but we don’t know how they feel mentally. So all I ask is for us as people to use our words of comfort only if we can follow through.

Suffering in Slience, While Walking in the Dark. By: Lateka Starnes-Council

For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.

“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”

“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.

They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?

Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.

Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.

When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”

Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.

It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”

Tolerance

When I look back on the things that has happened within my life, I take a deeper look at my tolerance level. Tolerance is the key to how others treat you and view you.

When I was in my early 20’s I had 0 tolerance for anything. You say the wrong thing, look at me funny, hell breathe to hard I was jumping on you. I was very aggressive and violent, it was a daily thing. I went to sleep mad and woke up mad. Mad at the world, as if everyone has did me wrong. It took me sometime to admit to myself that I needed help and that I had a problem. At that time people didn’t really want to be around me, out of fear of me jumping on them.

Once a person can admit to their self that they have a problem, that is the first step of mental well being. I’ve been in counseling many times, but I wasn’t ready for the help. My body would be there but my mind wouldn’t. I would just sit there looking and listening, while the counselor tried to engage me. I started working with children that had behavior issues, and one day i told my client in order to change the way you respond to an action you have to change the way you think. Ding! I told him something that was told to me, when I refused to engage. I heard what she was saying, but I just didn’t wish to speak with her. I then told myself I can’t help others if I don’t help myself first.

I have several reasons why I don’t engage when I first begin counseling: 1. Change, I don’t do well with change. 2. I don’t know you, I have to feel a person out before I engage them. 3. Social Worker, my time dealing with the VA I’ve seen many come and many go so I wait to see how long they will be there. 4. Retelling, I dislike having to retell my situation 5. Non-military, I dislike talking to someone that hasn’t served because while I’m reliving my trauma I have to stop and explain what a word means and it’s one of my triggers and I shut down.

Over time I have built my tolerance level up and granted I still don’t take any shit, but I don’t jump on a person I kill them with a smile and words. I have learned my triggers as well as ways to tolerate things, if I feel overwhelmed I know how to turn and walk away.