Words of comfort

In life we as people tend to say things to comfort those around us. We are quick to offer help and support in hopes that no one takes us up on the offer. We have lives of our own, but yet offer to be there when/if someone needs us. How could one really be there, if they don’t truly plan to be there? Ig one has a lot going on in there lives? If one only says those words to appear to care…

People have priorities within their lives, and if you call needed help that will cause a shift. That person then has to shift things around if they “really” plan to help you. If not you will then be waiting and feel some type of way about that person.

You’ll never know how a person truly feels when you offer them help/support in their time of need and you fail to follow through. No one is perfect, but as a person we have to be able to back up those words of comfort.

I’ve had my fair share of people saying they will be there if I needed them, but when I called no one was around or available. So that in turn made me not ask for help no matter how much I needed it. Yes it hurt because I had faith in those people. Now at the same time I’ve offered help to others, and life happened for me as to where I couldn’t be there. I know the pain and hurt saying you’ll be there and not hurts. So I try my hardest to offer those words of comfort and to follow through, but if I can’t I still reach out.

Words of comfort are just that words to comfort a person when they are down and out. We as people only know what a person tells us but we don’t know how they feel mentally. So all I ask is for us as people to use our words of comfort only if we can follow through.

Anxiety…

When anxiety begins to get the best of you, you don’t know what to do, think, or how to feel. Your mind begins to race and you have no reason why. The simplest thought, smell, touch, or sight of something can trigger a past memory, and from there you begin to freak out and have no clear reason as to why.

I must say for two nights out of this week I’ve jumped out of my sleep and my heart was racing fast. Half asleep but scared shitless, I sit up in bed, clean up in the house, I pretty much do anything to keep from having to close my eyes again. Trust me when it’s time for me to go to work I’m dog tired, but once I get off I can sleep fine during the day.

It has been a few years since I went through this, and as of now I am unclear as to what triggered it. The old saying out of sight out of mind, clearly only works for the sight and not the mind. When dealing with anxiety it’s like our minds are always racing. We have so many thoughts running at once and clearly can’t keep up. My anxiety has kept me from doing a lot of fun things, like now I have to get myself mentally prepared for next weekend. It is my Colleges homecoming and of course I would like to go, but my mind is racing on the what if this or that happens.

I can’t handle large crowds or people being so close in my personal space. I’m trying to get my sister’s and cousins to go with me, that way I can position myself in between them. I have let my mental and chronic pain issues run my life for years, and I’ve told myself 2019 I have to take back my life.


Regaining the strength to step-out and just enjoying life is something I truly miss. I feel like my mind holds me hostage and keeps me in a little comfort zone. I’ve set a major goal with baby goals in between and I must see them through. I have to push through and never lose heart.

Suffering in Slience, While Walking in the Dark. By: Lateka Starnes-Council

For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.

“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”

“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.

They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?

Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.

Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.

When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”

Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.

It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”

Transparency part 2 PTSD

Not all wounds are visible, so be mindful of how you speak and treat others. Today is transparency part 2, for me and for the first time I will speak about living with PTSD.

What is Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault.

As I was last told by my VA doctor, I suffer with C-PTSD (chronic PTSD) due to me having multiple traumas. I know you’re like how much can one person take. I ask myself the same thing daily. Life for me has been an emotional rollercoaster. Well let me take you on this ride.

Let’s start trauma #1. Oct. 2000 my rape on my deployment. That left me with many mixed emotions. Trust, respect for the uniform and chain of command, guilt, shame, pain, and death. My attitude towards men in the uniform shifted, so did my work ethics. I told myself once I made from an E-2 anyone under me, would have my full support. I was an E-2 twice due to me going UA, out of fear of being rapped again. Shit happens you know, but I bounced back and made rank and kept my word to myself. I had my own demons that needed to be overcame, but later found that they clouded my vision. I began to have a bad temper and would act out violently, towards anyone who I felt threatened by. My kids fathers felt the raft more than once, not that they were wrong but because my patiences were short. I was very aggressive, easily irritated, and just didn’t tolerate any bullshit.

Trauma #2: On what would be my last deployment and soon end of my Naval career. In 2005 will pier side in Jordan a missile was launched at the ship I was stationed on. The sound of the alarms sent my heart into panic mode. My thoughts on that day was very clear, I have children (3) that I don’t even really know. I need to walk away and be a mother to my children. My mind was made up, but at the time I didn’t know the full effect of that day. Since that day I know longer kept a ringer on my phone, no loud alarm clock, flashing lights give me a migraine, and it triggered thoughts of my rape. Yes, I got of the Navy July 2006, and it was the best decision of my life.

Trauma #3: My 2nd marriage ended due to domestic violence and such a nasty thing. It’s easy for a person to tell a person to just leave, but has anyone stopped and ask why stay? A lot goes into a woman that stays, she may not have a plan B, she may not have family to help her, he may have control of all the money, so many factors go into why one stays. Image being asleep in the bed and the next thing you know is you are pulled out of bed and being dragged across the floor at 2 in the morning. Waking up to being hit in the face, pushed down stairs, locked out of your own house, having your car keys, money, and cards stolen by the man that says he loves you… Could I leave? No, not at the moment but what I did do was start to slowly move my babies things out of the house, I made a safety plan, and I started hiding money. So part one of my three part plan was complete, now on to part 2. I began to slowly move my things out of the house, and boom he noticed. That would be the fight of my life, I fell down the stairs and he began to kick me. Oh trust I was kicking while down, but he broke two ribs. Laying in the hospital I reached out to a hometown friend, and he is the reason I came home. I left EVERYTHING in that apartment. Do you know what it feels like to have to start all over, when you have been on your own since 18… I began to suffer with depression and in 2010 I tried to take my life. I was on the phone with an old friend and I was telling her I didn’t want to live anymore and I took a gang of pain pills. What I didn’t know was, that while she was on the phone talking to me she called 911. They got there I’m unsure as to how long, all I know is I woke up in the hospital with a nasty taste in my mouth. Since coming home I got rid of all pain pills and the ones I need I keep at my parents house, out of sight out of mind.

Over time I would have nice jobs, but I wouldn’t last. I have to sit in my car for at least 5 minutes before getting out to go anywhere, I always triple check my doors, check on my kids, always alert of my surroundings, if I can’t control my environment chances are I will not attend an event, if I need to go any place I need someone to go with me. Trust me it has been hard having active children, butI have a very supportive family so someone is available to go with me.

Lats but not least trauma #4: Oct. 2015 Sumter, SC the 1000 year flood. It rained so much and then it began to flood. My mom called me in the morning and asked me if I was good, she woke me so I was like ma it’s early. I looked at my phone and had 10 missed calls between my mom, and sisters. I go look outside and my yard is flooded, in a calm voice I tell my baby to pack somethings we going to nana house. I tried to make it fun for her and for her not to panic. we go “play” in the rain/water by moving my car and packing things. We leave our house and I ask her which way does she want to go to get there. She said the long way. which I’m glad I listened, as we passed the turn I usually make all cars are under water. As we make it close to my parents house, the water is rising. We make it there safely and in time 5 minutes after we got there all roads were flooded. I volunteered with Red Cross, walked in nasty water to get my sisters stuff out of her place, took donations and walked door to door to give out cleaning supplies to those in need. No one knew I lost everything in my home due to it fooding, and then to find out I lost everything in my storage. I felt defeated yet again, but I had to push through.

I enjoy working, but working with PTSD, Fibromyagia, and anxiety has at time gotten the best of me. Once I reach my breaking point I will walk away from any job at any given time. My passion is to work with youth that suffer with a mental illness, behavior issues, learning disabilities, or any special needs. It’s my passion to help them understand that granted they may be different, that they are still loved. I teach them how to cope with their anger, stress, and emotions. i teach them what I had to learn and do within myself. Each day I take a step towards healing and helping someone else. Since 2010 I haven’t had any other suicide attempts or thoughts no matter how down I get. I tell myself that I’m still here for a purpose and I haven’t completed my mission. Each day is a gift.