Words of comfort

In life we as people tend to say things to comfort those around us. We are quick to offer help and support in hopes that no one takes us up on the offer. We have lives of our own, but yet offer to be there when/if someone needs us. How could one really be there, if they don’t truly plan to be there? Ig one has a lot going on in there lives? If one only says those words to appear to care…

People have priorities within their lives, and if you call needed help that will cause a shift. That person then has to shift things around if they “really” plan to help you. If not you will then be waiting and feel some type of way about that person.

You’ll never know how a person truly feels when you offer them help/support in their time of need and you fail to follow through. No one is perfect, but as a person we have to be able to back up those words of comfort.

I’ve had my fair share of people saying they will be there if I needed them, but when I called no one was around or available. So that in turn made me not ask for help no matter how much I needed it. Yes it hurt because I had faith in those people. Now at the same time I’ve offered help to others, and life happened for me as to where I couldn’t be there. I know the pain and hurt saying you’ll be there and not hurts. So I try my hardest to offer those words of comfort and to follow through, but if I can’t I still reach out.

Words of comfort are just that words to comfort a person when they are down and out. We as people only know what a person tells us but we don’t know how they feel mentally. So all I ask is for us as people to use our words of comfort only if we can follow through.

Suffering in Slience, While Walking in the Dark. By: Lateka Starnes-Council

For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.

“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”

“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.

They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?

Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.

Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.

When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”

Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.

It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”

Transparency part 3: Endometriosis

Baby when you talk about pain talk about endometriosis. Endometriosis is
is when the tissue that makes up the uterine lining (the lining of the womb) is present on other organs inside your body. Endometriosis is usually found in the lower abdomen, or pelvis, but can appear anywhere in the body. Women with endometriosis often have lower abdominal pain, pain with periods, or pain with sexual intercourse, and may report having a hard time getting pregnant.

It will show it’s ugly face in each woman differently but it all comes down to pain. After giving birth to my second daughter things took a turn. It went from me cramping on my cycle, to me not being able to walk or move day 1 of my cycle. I began to have to take pain pills because the pain was that bad, i would have to be put out of work for at least 3 days due to the pain. I missed orders to change commands because I was limited duty.

I would go back and forth to the doctor for the pain, all they kept doing was pushing pain pills on to me the next stronger than the last. I got to a point where I was like enough is enough. Painful during my cycle, I walked around in pain. It was painful to have sex and even after. I would rather give natural birth again rather than have sex. so you know it was very painful. I asked my doctor all my options because I’ve done them all. I was on the pill, had an IUD, on the patch, on Depo, placed into medical-menopause nothing helped. I told them if I had a hysterectomy then problem solved. It took them some time to agree to it, mentally I’ve given up all hop on having a third child. I go in for all the lab work and all that good stuff. My nurse comes in the room and tells me she has good news and bad news for me, so I’m confused and I say what’s the bad news. She says we can’t move forward with your surgery, I’m looking confused and say so what’s the good news. All excited she says you’re pregnant I just stare. I’m happy but mentally I’ve given up so I’m in a daze of shock.

I have my third child and getting my tubes cut and burned my good friend endometriosis reminds me they are still there. Now the pain is on overload and they have me back on the patch. I check-in to my new command and 2 weeks later we are going underway for 3 moths. UGH! While on the deployment I begin to have clots, so I was sick for almost half the time I was out. It took until 2012 to say I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I have my 1st surgery which was a supracervical hysterectomy fancy word for removal of the uterus, I was left with a cervical stump. I also found out that no only did I have endometriosis I also had adnomiosis, pain on-top of pain. After my surgery I fell into a deep depression, I sent my kids to stay with my parents, I didn’t get out of bed, I didn’t shower, I didn’t eat, I wouldn’t answer the phone or reply to any messages. I felt less of a woman and I felt what man would want a woman who couldn’t give him a child. My mom and younger sister would come to my house and MAKE me get up and all that good stuff. My mom would have me walk around Walmart and Piggly Wiggly daily, just to get me up and out. At the time I hated that, but looking back I needed that.

Let’s fast forward, I bet you’re thing things began to look up for me since I had my uterus removed. Welp! guess again… I was still having pain during sex and it was at it’s all time high, pain when I got a pa smear. My VA doctor would take me back down the path of pain pills, creams, lotions, and different birth control before I had my 2nd surgery. March of 2018 I had a Salpingo-Oophorectomy, fancy way of saying removal of both fallopian tubes and right ovary. I had scared tissue from 2004, when I got my tubes cut and burned and the endometriosis had spread. After this surgery I couldn’t allow myself to fall into a depressive state I had to keep busy, and it was the same time I was writing my uncles obituary. Each day is different I am in the process of my 3rd and final surgery, due to my left ovary causing me pain and discomfort. I understand the fact that my doctors don’t want me to go into menopause at 39, but the way this pain is set-up I’ll take hot flashes any day. My body and natural smell has changed since my surgery in March. I know many women who suffer of either endometriosis, adnomiosis, or any other female issues. There is sunshine after the pain so ladies keep pushing and see it through. Blessings upon you and peace be with you.