Words of comfort

In life we as people tend to say things to comfort those around us. We are quick to offer help and support in hopes that no one takes us up on the offer. We have lives of our own, but yet offer to be there when/if someone needs us. How could one really be there, if they don’t truly plan to be there? Ig one has a lot going on in there lives? If one only says those words to appear to care…

People have priorities within their lives, and if you call needed help that will cause a shift. That person then has to shift things around if they “really” plan to help you. If not you will then be waiting and feel some type of way about that person.

You’ll never know how a person truly feels when you offer them help/support in their time of need and you fail to follow through. No one is perfect, but as a person we have to be able to back up those words of comfort.

I’ve had my fair share of people saying they will be there if I needed them, but when I called no one was around or available. So that in turn made me not ask for help no matter how much I needed it. Yes it hurt because I had faith in those people. Now at the same time I’ve offered help to others, and life happened for me as to where I couldn’t be there. I know the pain and hurt saying you’ll be there and not hurts. So I try my hardest to offer those words of comfort and to follow through, but if I can’t I still reach out.

Words of comfort are just that words to comfort a person when they are down and out. We as people only know what a person tells us but we don’t know how they feel mentally. So all I ask is for us as people to use our words of comfort only if we can follow through.

Your Name…

Your name is the name given to you at birth, some of us like our names while others don’t. Your name holds your further and you don’t even realize that at a young age. People learn your name before they learn the person. What a person says about you once your name has been called, will always stick in another person’s head.

Think about what others might say about you, just from hearing your name being called… For me there’s a long list both positive and negative (lol). I’m stuck up, I’m highly educated, I’m mean, I’m caring, full of knowledge, savage, the list could go on. Now take a step back and think about this. The vibe and energy you give off to a person is based on a few things; your environment, the setting, your mood, their mood, how and why you met. Not two people will meet the same you, so in order to do that you at first must be balanced and have inner peace. Once you achieve those two things, all else will fall into place.

Your name determines your future! Keep in mind the same people you meet today may cross your path 5 years from now. The setting will be different they may have information you might need, run a business you might want to work for. Some people forget names but they remember faces, while others remember names. Your name could make or break the deal. I know a lot of the jobs I’ve had I got based off someone knowing my name, people talk and when they talk they describe you as a whole and what they know of you. The next person may say okay sounds like my cup of tea, while the next might be saying oh no bad news.

Your name is your brand. What you put out will determine what you get in return. Take pride in your name and the vibe you give off. Blessing upon your and peace within you.

Am I Enough???

As women we ask ourselves this question day in and day out. Hell at times we don’t know. Our mate might say or do little things that will cause us to question am I enough. We live in a society where women are judged off their looks, body shape, hair, type of job , clothes they wear, the man they are with , how their kid’s look act and dress, the list goes on and on.

We as woman value child bearing, yes the ability to bring another life into this world. Now don’t get it twisted, not every woman wants a child. It’s just the thought that I can have a child. Now take a step back and think about the women who can’t bear children for whatever reason. That question Am I Enough? Lives in her head, because she will always wonder if the man she is with wants a child.

I am a mother of three beautiful daughters, but I want another child. I want to share that bond with my husband, but I can’t so of course I ask myself Am I Enough? We as women pride ourselves on the way we raise our children and that bond we share. I’ve been blessed to have two children since my rape, but trust me it did a number on my body. I went so many years in pain with the thought of, if I hold out I’ll be able to have another child. The pain over took my body so I had surgery #1 in 2012. I went into major depression, because I know longer had a uterus, so I felt less of a woman. You would think the pain would poof disappear, welp it didn’t.

I went a few more years since 2012 in pain, and gave up the hope of every having another child. In 2018 I had surgery #2 and that didn’t make me feel any better mentally. Now I’m with out a uterus, Fallopian tubes and one ovary. My husband has been so great with dealing with the mood swings. lol

The thought of me not being able to bear his child still sits in the back of my mind. Am I enough? As women we stress and overthink things that only we imagine, you may not know that we have those thoughts, because we know our flaws and how they impact our day to day. Since my second surgery it has been on my heart to adopt a child and I have now put forward the steps to learning more about the adoption process. I know there is a child out there that needs a loving home.

To all my ladies out there, we have our flaws and we know we can’t fix them all. Never lose hope or heart YOU ARE ENOUGH!


When anxiety begins to get the best of you, you don’t know what to do, think, or how to feel. Your mind begins to race and you have no reason why. The simplest thought, smell, touch, or sight of something can trigger a past memory, and from there you begin to freak out and have no clear reason as to why.

I must say for two nights out of this week I’ve jumped out of my sleep and my heart was racing fast. Half asleep but scared shitless, I sit up in bed, clean up in the house, I pretty much do anything to keep from having to close my eyes again. Trust me when it’s time for me to go to work I’m dog tired, but once I get off I can sleep fine during the day.

It has been a few years since I went through this, and as of now I am unclear as to what triggered it. The old saying out of sight out of mind, clearly only works for the sight and not the mind. When dealing with anxiety it’s like our minds are always racing. We have so many thoughts running at once and clearly can’t keep up. My anxiety has kept me from doing a lot of fun things, like now I have to get myself mentally prepared for next weekend. It is my Colleges homecoming and of course I would like to go, but my mind is racing on the what if this or that happens.

I can’t handle large crowds or people being so close in my personal space. I’m trying to get my sister’s and cousins to go with me, that way I can position myself in between them. I have let my mental and chronic pain issues run my life for years, and I’ve told myself 2019 I have to take back my life.

Regaining the strength to step-out and just enjoying life is something I truly miss. I feel like my mind holds me hostage and keeps me in a little comfort zone. I’ve set a major goal with baby goals in between and I must see them through. I have to push through and never lose heart.

Who Do You Know??

If you asked 20 people how they got there job, half if not most will say I know such and such. In today’s society in order to get ahead you seem to have to know the “right” people. It’s sad and unfair but it’s the harsh truth.

Outside of about 3 jobs I’ve ever had in my lifetime I got them on my own, other than that I got them based off of me knowing someone. I’m a firm believer that when you network you increase your net-worth. I teach that lesson to my kids, but the key to the lesson is this: The who you may know gets you through the door, but what you know keeps you there.

When I meet people I feed them knowledge, I want them to know and understand, in a small town it’s not always what you know but rather who you know. One phone could change a person’s who life, so I always tell people be mindful of how you treat a person because you’ll never know when your paths may cross again.

Funny how life has a way of reminding us of just that. I’ve met a lot of people, and one way or another our paths cross. Between me working for the local school district, involved at my children’s schools, the number of organizations I’m involved in I’m destine to cross paths with a few people but when I do I just smile. Karma has a way to reversing roles.

When you meet a person remember the vibe and energy you give off will be the first think that person remembers mentally. Leave them with something to remember you by.

Suffering in Slience, While Walking in the Dark. By: Lateka Starnes-Council

For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.

“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”

“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.

They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?

Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.

Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.

When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”

Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.

It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”

Unknown Side Chick

Honey! I tell ya when being the side chick, other woman, fake cousin or whatever you want to call it was a secret today it seems to be the thing to be. *shrugs*

Now ladies be truthful with yourself, everyone has been a side chick a time or two. Now the difference is weather you knew it or not. Well sit back and let me tell you a story..

There was this girl who met a young man, they began to date and it was all so good. Things were going good, the young man tells the girl about him having a child on the way, the girl is like congrats and all that good shit. She then asks him so are you married or still dealing with your child’s mother? The young man says I’m divorced, the girl is like prove it. He shows her some paperwork and signed by the judge with dates and all that nice stuff. Boy and girl work together, they go to work together, dress alike and all that sweet shit.

Fast forward several months, they live together, girl goes home with boy and meets his family, goes to church with boy’s mom and grandmother. All the while the family knows boy’s big secret. Girl gets pregnant and boy and his family is excited. They have their child, child goes to visit boy and girls family. She is in love or what she think is love. Boy ask girl to marry him, girl is excited and says yes. Now mind you it’s been a year and some change. Girl and boy get pregnant again… Girl is over the whole getting fat thing. Buckle up because here is where shit goes left.

Boy is deployed for 6 months while girl is off her ship due to her being with child. Girl is invited to NC to by boy’s sister to her child’s party. Girl, her sister, and her oldest child goes to the party. While sitting there girl hears some cursing going on and a dark skin chick comes in the house and stands over girls and says, ” SO tell me how does it feel to fuck a married man?” Girl looks up and I said, ” I don’t know ask your husband because I’m still fucking him!” We began to fight in the house in front of his mom, sister, kids, and everybody. His mom yells out, “Teka you don’t need to be fighting while you’re pregnant!” His wife stops and looks at me and
I said yeah by your motha fuckin husband bitch.

I grabbed my oldest and me and my sister left. Can you imagine the hurt and pain I felt. I’m in my early 20’s about to have my second child, with a man who lied the entire time we were together. To make matters worst your family knew you were still married but yet happy you proposed to me. Honey, when I say it took me some years to allow them to see my older two daughters after that. I had to learn to forgive and I also learned that side bitches meet the family to.

See as women we are quick to jump on the other bitch when our real beef is with that man. Not every woman knows your man is a spoken for man. Trust me when a woman knows he has someone her tone is way different, she feels as if she has something over you. When all she gets is hard dick and bubble gum. Since that has happened to me I tell dudes straight up, let me know the truth so I can decide if I wish to play second don’t decide for me. I don’t play second and I don’t share shit. So ladies if your man is or has cheated on you don’t take it out on the other woman beat his ass cuz he did it. Now if the other woman gets out of pocket then by all means beat her ass straight off of GP (general purpose) Don’t be a goofy all your life and not all men are the same, granted you have been dogged before but don’t hold the next one to the fire. Now I’m not saying make it easy for him, but don’t punish him for something that was before his time. I’m speaking from the heart and from my own personal growth. Be blessed