When anxiety begins to get the best of you, you don’t know what to do, think, or how to feel. Your mind begins to race and you have no reason why. The simplest thought, smell, touch, or sight of something can trigger a past memory, and from there you begin to freak out and have no clear reason as to why.
I must say for two nights out of this week I’ve jumped out of my sleep and my heart was racing fast. Half asleep but scared shitless, I sit up in bed, clean up in the house, I pretty much do anything to keep from having to close my eyes again. Trust me when it’s time for me to go to work I’m dog tired, but once I get off I can sleep fine during the day.
It has been a few years since I went through this, and as of now I am unclear as to what triggered it. The old saying out of sight out of mind, clearly only works for the sight and not the mind. When dealing with anxiety it’s like our minds are always racing. We have so many thoughts running at once and clearly can’t keep up. My anxiety has kept me from doing a lot of fun things, like now I have to get myself mentally prepared for next weekend. It is my Colleges homecoming and of course I would like to go, but my mind is racing on the what if this or that happens.
I can’t handle large crowds or people being so close in my personal space. I’m trying to get my sister’s and cousins to go with me, that way I can position myself in between them. I have let my mental and chronic pain issues run my life for years, and I’ve told myself 2019 I have to take back my life.
Regaining the strength to step-out and just enjoying life is something I truly miss. I feel like my mind holds me hostage and keeps me in a little comfort zone. I’ve set a major goal with baby goals in between and I must see them through. I have to push through and never lose heart.