For the past 4 years I have been working on my book. I would start, stop, start, stop and i just got to a point where I wasn’t truly ready to share my story. After following through with my blog (something I’ve been putting off as well) I now know my story can help someone else. I lost hope when I didn’t know how to publish, who to trust to edit and so forth. So today I will share snip-it of my story keep in mind it hasn’t been edited.
“Suffering In Slience, While Walking In The Dark”
“Memories bring you peace, while nightmares will always haunt you” LS.
They say time heals all wounds, so tell me when will mine heal?
Taking a walk down memory lane could be good to some extent, based on the memories you may have. Do you know what it feels like to hate the way you look or the way you are shaped? Well I do and I did for such a very long time. Try to imagine being 1 of 50 females on an aircraft carrier, now imagine sexual jokes and gestures being told to you, about you and around you. Yea! A living nightmare. I thought by leaving the command and returning sometime later, the problem would be gone. You know out of sight out of mind. I thought wrong, I guess my return brought things back.
Imagine a person who is suppose to insure nothing happens to you, is the one that hurts you. Who do you trust? Where do you go? What do you do? First you sexual harass me, then you sexual assault me. Broken, bruised and confused I confided into one person, who became my outlet, strength and guidance.
When I made a formal report to my chain of command, to be told don’t report the matter any further they will handle it. Yep! They sure did, handled the rest of deployment by sending me TAD. The words they said to me sit with me til thus day. “He has more to lose than my reputation, he out ranks you, he has a career, he has and wife and child, you will be ok. Suck it up and go to work.”
Since that day in 2000, my life, trust and outlook on the military and men had changed. Life for me since that time hasn’t been a cake walk. Two suicide attempts, fucked up relationships, angry issues, violent outbursts, shitty marriages, but through it all I never lost faith or sight of what I am searching for. Don’t get me wrong I’ve slipped but now I’m on the right path for inner peace, self-happiness, understanding, self-love and forgiveness.
It takes time and strength to be willing to share, I’m at a point where it’s time to heal. So I’m sharing a part of my story with you. “Never Lose Heart”